Sunday, June 10, 2012

Courage. Tomorrow.

Your muse has been missing or something like that.

It is just like one of those rough days when your brain is too clogged to keep your thoughts in order. Having the attention span of squirrel is not easy. Trust Me.

It just takes minutes of self assessment, constant scratching your head and just a few packets of potato chips to realise; you never actually had a brain.

A big blow that it is, you actually know life is over for you, that you are just another loser, without a valid college degree, without love and let’s just forget about that job.

And then, you just wish, at that very moment, if only you had a Darcy in your life. Or even a Edward Cullen would do just fine.   

And thousands of tears swarm from your eyes, wetting your pillow, in the silence of the midnight. You do hear the mild howls from a distance and so, you shut your eyes, tight, and tighter because, let’s face it, in real world, there are no vampires and there certainly is no Edward Cullen coming to your rescue.

In that gut wrenching midnight, there is not a soul knowing you exist, knowing that you are scared and probably for the first time in your life, you would love to have a hug more than a pizza.   

When you wake up the next morning, you realise you had been drooling the whole night, and the saliva has left some of its remnants on your already contoured face. Your tired puffy eyes, your messy, rough hair, your faded jammies, and your potato chips shaped butt are no heart warmers.

You get ready, always ready, like yesterday and probably like tomorrow, rush out the door, running behind the stupid bus, and you break your heel without breaking your fall.

With bruised knees and scratched palms, you sit on the sidewalk, teary eyed, watching the other people rush through you, just like you are invisible. At that moment, everyone in the world looks happy, looks their best- the best dress, the best heels, the best i- phones, just the best.

At work, your boss yells at you, you lose your day’s pay, you start to work feeling cold stares and grins on your back. In the lunch break, they just run out of everything you can eat. With the anger and hunger, both dominating equally, you curse in your head.

You curse your life, the sexy girl who got the promotion you deserved, you curse the transportation in your country, you curse your hair because it just can’t set right, you curse yourself for being such a loser, you curse that boy who broke your heart, you curse the jerk who left you standing all alone in the street, you curse God, you curse the government, you curse the backlog files, you curse what you see, hear and smell.

Back home, you sit all by yourself, watching an episode of Glee- life is a musical for the moment, and you feel like you can still pull it through, you can suck it up, just tomorrow. Tomorrow.


Because even when you wake up with a pounding heart and you feel like quitting, you get ready, once again, like yesterday and probably like tomorrow. Because, courage isn’t only seen in a war. It is present as much when you are saying NO to the evil chocolate over oatmeal, when you are getting up every morning to work, when you are sitting all alone when everyone else is with their friends, when you wake up to pee at one in the night even with that mild howling, and when lying on your bed, you take a deep breath and say, ‘Everything’s gonna be fine tomorrow.’

Courage. Tomorrow.
And you realise, your muse isn’t lost after all. 

I had originally written this post for my other blog but i thought, what the heck!!!

No comments:

Post a Comment