Why Rape is Not an Agenda and What Women Fear?

I have been meaning to write this post since we, women were asked to recheck the meaning of the word "rape".

Rape:

1the crime, typically committed by a man, of forcing another person to have sexual intercourse with the offender against their will

2 (especially of a man) force (another person) to have sexual intercourse with the offender against their will

-source

For all sane reasons of why I don't pray to a named God, I now, worry that I should have. The truth, however, is that I am angry. I don't want a man to tell me what rape means, what happens when a girl or a woman gets raped. His position in the government does not sanction him any power, any authority, any right to say things which cannot be processed in his chicken-headed brain.

For all similar reasons, I don't want a man telling me that some girls rape easy.

Factually, if you look at the statistics, no woman and for that matter, no man wants to get raped. 

Secondly, rape has nothing to do with politics. So, let this be the last election that I am made to listen to rape as being an agenda to be discussed in such demeaning ways.

Thirdly, a rape victim is a human being. He/she deserves respect whether he/she was raped twenty years ago or three months back.

Lastly, God cannot be so cruel as to intend rapes or pregnancies through rape to happen. Human beings are. A rapist chooses to rape. A person who is raped does not choose to get raped. Let that be cleared once and for all. Let's not bring God into issues that are even beyond His comprehension.

“When I was in college, a teacher once said that all women live by a ‘rape schedule.’ I was baffled by the term, but as she went on to explain, I got really freaked out. Because I realized that I knew exactly what she was talking about. And you do too. Because of their constant fear of rape (conscious or not), women do things throughout the day to protect themselves. Whether it’s carrying our keys in our hands as we walk home, locking our car doors as soon as we get in, or not walking down certain streets, we take precautions. While taking precautions is certainly not a bad idea, the fact that certain things women do are so ingrained into our daily routines is truly disturbing. It’s essentially like living in a prison - all the time. We can’t assume that we’re safe anywhere: not on the streets, not in our homes. And we’re so used to feeling unsafe that we don’t even see that there’s something seriously fucked up about it.” ~Jessica Valenti

As women, this is what we do. We have a "rape schedule". We rush to our homes before it gets dark, we take a man-friend along to places we have never been before, we ask our boyfriends or fathers to pick us up from the subway, we dress according to the place (not too tight, not too loose), we tend to avoid eye-contact with men, we are told to walk demurely, we are reminded again and again and again that we are women who are on a "rape schedule". And, whether we want it or not, we have accepted it.

We analyse the first man we talk to in a party- scan him, think a thousand times before saying hi. We do things that would probably help us not become rape victims. If we live in big cities, we ensure that we avoid all those dark alleys where "bad things" happen.

A lot many things. As women, we do a lot many things.

As women, then we are also told to believe in love, to meet men, to fall in love with someone, get married, have children, live life without fear.

It is a lot difficult than it seems, trust us.

We are scared. We are scared when we look at the men in our lives- our fathers, boy friends, husbands, sons. We see them when we sit together a watch a story on a woman who was raped in one of those dark alleys. We see how they react. We want to know what their stand is. We want to know whether they will stand up for those women as they stand for us. We try to talk to them about these issues, about womanhood, about rapes, about the elections, lest they become indifferent about these issues.

As women, we live in a constant fear.

So, let this be the last election when I am being told what rape means. Rape means rape. Rape victims are regular human beings as they were before they were raped. Some girls don't rape easy. Most rapists however, do. They rape easy.

Any party, any representative, if they want to win anything, take us- the women, in your support. You know, we will be there braving storms and earthquakes rooting for you just because you stood for us. We will be there dancing and crying our hearts out because you would do the same for us. We don't need empowerment through your policies or plans or schemes. We want acknowledgement for being women, for being half the population, for being us. We want respect, to be believed in, to be trusted with that we are more than just capable.

To put it in a simple way, you cannot tell me that I rape easy and expect me to vote for you.

That's all.
  

ODG Beliefs #1

Lesson learned today: Don't delve on the judgments of others.

We are all different and in that we are all the same. I have been having this very weird feeling that sometimes I let others influence me more than they should. 

How this lesson was learned-

I had been seeing someone from my work. 

Now, this someone has been with this organisation for a very long time. Long time here means eight freaking years. (I know!)

We often ended up discussing about our work and how things are so crazy and why we still worked here when nothing was the same as before. We would talk about the employees, how they had been skipping benches when the management changed hands, how people are no longer ethical anymore. At first, it seemed like these were regular discussions- discussions which helped you understand the reason why things are changing so rapidly. We all want someone to understand us. (Boy! how wrong I was.)

In my defense, there was reason to trust this person- to think that maybe he was right after all. Eight years in an organisation teaches you certain things... you start knowing about your co-workers as you know your family.   

Once the call is done with and when I would prepare for the night, I would think about all that has been said and done. I would go to work the next day knowing all the dirty secrets and then people will no longer be normal people anymore. They will have an imaginary tag hung around their necks with their little secrets written over it. And, I would sulk every time I had to talk to a colleague who was the topic of our discussion the night before. I could no longer have a regular conversation, no longer maintain that I am just here to learn about my work, no longer maintain that my work was completely professional.

One day, you are hearing things from someone and the next day, you are the one talking about the very same things. Consciously or unconsciously. It doesn't matter because once the secrets come out, they are out. It didn't make me feel any better about myself. Did it?

Besides, I didn't want to sit through a meeting with my seniors already decided upon their character or their efficiency. I wanted to do that once I had talked with them, once I had decided how they have behaved with me. I wanted to respect my seniors and I could have done that only when I had made my own assessments. 

There has to be someone whom we look up to at our work, someone whom we can admire, someone whom we can appreciate. After all, when you are 24, you need a role model everywhere you go. 

There is another lesson learned here- not to date people from work. But, that is completely another story. 

I am no longer seeing that person and I am feeling good about it. This couldn't have gone any longer because it was not right. I am not going to delve on the judgments of others because I can make my own judgments. (Thank you!) 

Have a great day.