Why Rape is Not an Agenda and What Women Fear?

I have been meaning to write this post since we, women were asked to recheck the meaning of the word "rape".

Rape:

1the crime, typically committed by a man, of forcing another person to have sexual intercourse with the offender against their will

2 (especially of a man) force (another person) to have sexual intercourse with the offender against their will

-source

For all sane reasons of why I don't pray to a named God, I now, worry that I should have. The truth, however, is that I am angry. I don't want a man to tell me what rape means, what happens when a girl or a woman gets raped. His position in the government does not sanction him any power, any authority, any right to say things which cannot be processed in his chicken-headed brain.

For all similar reasons, I don't want a man telling me that some girls rape easy.

Factually, if you look at the statistics, no woman and for that matter, no man wants to get raped. 

Secondly, rape has nothing to do with politics. So, let this be the last election that I am made to listen to rape as being an agenda to be discussed in such demeaning ways.

Thirdly, a rape victim is a human being. He/she deserves respect whether he/she was raped twenty years ago or three months back.

Lastly, God cannot be so cruel as to intend rapes or pregnancies through rape to happen. Human beings are. A rapist chooses to rape. A person who is raped does not choose to get raped. Let that be cleared once and for all. Let's not bring God into issues that are even beyond His comprehension.

“When I was in college, a teacher once said that all women live by a ‘rape schedule.’ I was baffled by the term, but as she went on to explain, I got really freaked out. Because I realized that I knew exactly what she was talking about. And you do too. Because of their constant fear of rape (conscious or not), women do things throughout the day to protect themselves. Whether it’s carrying our keys in our hands as we walk home, locking our car doors as soon as we get in, or not walking down certain streets, we take precautions. While taking precautions is certainly not a bad idea, the fact that certain things women do are so ingrained into our daily routines is truly disturbing. It’s essentially like living in a prison - all the time. We can’t assume that we’re safe anywhere: not on the streets, not in our homes. And we’re so used to feeling unsafe that we don’t even see that there’s something seriously fucked up about it.” ~Jessica Valenti

As women, this is what we do. We have a "rape schedule". We rush to our homes before it gets dark, we take a man-friend along to places we have never been before, we ask our boyfriends or fathers to pick us up from the subway, we dress according to the place (not too tight, not too loose), we tend to avoid eye-contact with men, we are told to walk demurely, we are reminded again and again and again that we are women who are on a "rape schedule". And, whether we want it or not, we have accepted it.

We analyse the first man we talk to in a party- scan him, think a thousand times before saying hi. We do things that would probably help us not become rape victims. If we live in big cities, we ensure that we avoid all those dark alleys where "bad things" happen.

A lot many things. As women, we do a lot many things.

As women, then we are also told to believe in love, to meet men, to fall in love with someone, get married, have children, live life without fear.

It is a lot difficult than it seems, trust us.

We are scared. We are scared when we look at the men in our lives- our fathers, boy friends, husbands, sons. We see them when we sit together a watch a story on a woman who was raped in one of those dark alleys. We see how they react. We want to know what their stand is. We want to know whether they will stand up for those women as they stand for us. We try to talk to them about these issues, about womanhood, about rapes, about the elections, lest they become indifferent about these issues.

As women, we live in a constant fear.

So, let this be the last election when I am being told what rape means. Rape means rape. Rape victims are regular human beings as they were before they were raped. Some girls don't rape easy. Most rapists however, do. They rape easy.

Any party, any representative, if they want to win anything, take us- the women, in your support. You know, we will be there braving storms and earthquakes rooting for you just because you stood for us. We will be there dancing and crying our hearts out because you would do the same for us. We don't need empowerment through your policies or plans or schemes. We want acknowledgement for being women, for being half the population, for being us. We want respect, to be believed in, to be trusted with that we are more than just capable.

To put it in a simple way, you cannot tell me that I rape easy and expect me to vote for you.

That's all.
  

YOU.

In this life, we meet so many people.

There a few who will let you rise. Then there are others who pull you down.

There are some who would want to fly with you but their fears would not let you.

Lastly, there are some who let you go.

You. Have. The. Power. To. Choose. The. Person. You. Want.

You deserve someone who makes you feel better about yourself. Not with manufactured lies but with the sole knowledge that you have a power within, untapped, undiscovered, unknown. That power, when it comes out, it shakes the roots of your existence, it brings together all of your self into one being. 

YOU. 

image source: thisiswhatimean

Guest Advice Column: Tina L. Hook

Guest Advice Column is the place where we will bring people who are an inspiration to us and who have something to share with our crowd. This is the place where they offer tips, advices, and ways to let us keep swimming towards our dreams. 

And, today we bring to you our very first guest Tina L. Hook in our Guest Advice Column. (Boy! are we excited!!!)

-Image Courtesy of Tina L. Hook

Tina is a generous writer, a great support, and a perfect blogger friend. She has got her first book published- Enchanted by Starlight. If that title doesn't make it alluring, we don't know what does! We asked Tina to share with us her experience as an author- how she managed to stay sane during those grueling months of writing and then later on publishing. 

Tina is one of those people who write with a sense of alacrity, rendering her readers with a vivid and live experience of her characters. We still remember her Disappearing Girl- a piece, which we go back to whenever we are struggling with words.   

We leave you with this amazing person and author. 

And, don't forget...

Enchanted by Starlight is now available on Amazon. In stores in July.

She also writes at (Fl) Girl with a New Life.

She is also available on Twitter and Facebook.

 ~~~

Writer for Life. My Best Advice. 

When Rathi asked me to write this post I was thrilled, and not because I deem myself to be anyone of great importance, because I don’t. Rather, I was thrilled because Rathi is an important part of my online writing community. I care about her words, and about the vulnerable soul she manages to express through them. I look forward to her comments on my blog each month, and savor the moments when she is inspired by what I have to offer. Rathi is part of the tribe that cheers me on and motivates me to keep writing, and that is something every writer needs.

"Solitude, competitiveness and grief are the unavoidable lot of a writer only when there is no organization or network to which she can turn."—Toni Morrison

When I think about the engine that powers me through my writing I often come back to this quote from Toni Morrison. While it is true that writing is a solitary act, it can be difficult to impossible to navigate it alone for the long haul. If you want to turn your writing into a life long pursuit, this is my greatest advice to you. Build a community.

Whether your writing tribe is an online community of many or an in-person group of two, writers benefit from the support of other writers. We hold each other accountable. We inspire one another to keep going.  When our own passions dim with self doubt, which they will, we can lean on the enthusiasm of our tribe to buoy us up again. And when the day comes when your work goes out live to the world, your writing community will be the first to devour it, celebrate it, and pass it along to their friends.

I should add here that building a writerly community is not a piece of cake. Creative people are sensitive creatures, and we don’t always react well to critique, even when it’s constructive. Add to that, we don’t always know how to deliver critiques in the way that they need to be heard—with gentle consideration. At times, unfortunately, we measure the success of another as a measure of our own inadequacy. For these reasons the members of your tribe will come and go. Some will come back and others never will. Don’t allow this to discourage you. Wish them well and continue your work.

Being as that we humans are insecure, we sometimes flock to groups where our work will be more easily praised instead of challenged, and wilt from writers we presume to be better than us. I say do the opposite. Embrace as many great writers as possible; they will become your mentors. Support the dreams of the fellow writers in your tribe, and they will return the favor.

-Image Courtesy of Tina L. Hook

An excerpt from Enchanted by Starlight.

THE FIRST PAGE

My name is Grace.  Tomorrow is my wedding day.

Staring across the dark waters of the Gulf, I am uncertain.  I am exhausted and hopeful.  I am both completely in love and irreparably heartbroken.

After these long months attending to the minutia, the black and white stationery, the elegant table settings, the tropical flowers, the chocolate dessert course—I suddenly find myself detached from it completely and, now, with the night sky rising up around me, I have surrendered myself to the deeper implications.  I am standing in the moment that has defined my life.  I am finally here and yet so much has been lost.

It was a delicious ache that lured me from my bed tonight, drawing me out beneath the cobweb of stars.  Liam’s memory teases me, calling from the water’s edge as if he might materialize there, simply by my wanting him to.  I thought for sure I had pushed him so far back into my mind that I had forced him away for good.  Still, as much as he has denied me, as much as I have refused my heart, it seems he is determined to make an impression on this day.  Agonizing really, how enduring love can be.  Even after you have packed it up and put it away, it is still there—always there, yellowing around the edges and begging you to turn its pages again.

Ask Tina your questions in our comments section. 

Why They Love to Hate a 'Fat' Aishwarya

The latest target of body fascists is Aishwarya Rai Bachchan— Former Miss World and an actor in the Indian Film Industry.

- source

A video of postnatal Aishwarya on Youtube has gone viral. The unique selling point of the video is pictures of a ‘fat’ Aishwarya with elephant sounds in the background. The narrator in the video says: “Instead of losing some flabs after the baby’s delievery, she put on some weight.”

Because Aishwarya is being talked about a lot everywhere, let us talk about body fascists here.

Who are body fascists?

Body fascists are people who treat, speak, and think of others with condescension. They have an eye for every flaw, every blemish, every pound you gain, every tone you move up or down the shade scale, and every stretch mark. They look at you as if you were a taboo. They are the biggest cheerleaders of your low self-esteem and your insecurities about your body.

What do body fascists do?

Body fascists make their arguments and comments in such a way to make you end up believing those to be as natural and as real as sunrise. After all, why did Aishwarya put on weight instead of losing some flabs? With every remark, they expect a response, a reaction, or a fan following. They are the mirror you would not like to look into. Because no matter what you do, you will always be a little fat, a little anorexic, a little short, a little tall every time you look in that mirror.

Where do you find them?

My first encounter with body fascists was while I was in my sixth grade. I was a dark-skinned kid, shorter than most kids in my class. I vividly remember how the kids in class made fun of me because I was not fair enough like they were. Some nights I would howl myself to sleep because hurtful remarks by kids can be among the meanest things in the world. I could never figure out why they would be so mean to me. They were the people I would help with their class work and home assignments. Then why would they be so mean to a friendly, ever-helpful classmate like me?

My encounter with such people grew all through middle school and high school years. I had a “frenemy” who did not miss any chance to make me feel that I was ugly and that I could never have a boyfriend.

Body fascists are ubiquitous. You will find them in the guise of classmates you have known since your primary school; or the high school frenemies you have lost touch with or are still in touch with; random people on streets with just the perfect amount of body fascism in them; ex-boyfriends who kept you in the hiding because they were too embarrrassed to introduce you to their friends and family or to be seen with you in public. You will find them as part of the social messages you are receiving everyday through advertisements.

You will find them out in the open because body fascists are not ashamed of themselves.

Why body fascists hate you?

A few years ago that “frenemy” from high school saw a few of my pictures on a social networking site and said –‘You have grown so thin.’ Her tone was clear. She did not mean slim-thin. She meant sick-thin. I never understood why she thought I was sick-thin until I saw her pictures. She had gained a few more kilos since school ended. That was when I understood why she ‘hated’ me. She ‘hated’ my body to cover up her flabby arms and thighs and her double chin.

People make fun of others so that they could take their mind off their own bodies, their flaws, their messed up lives, their mean bosses, their uncaring lovers, their unambitous career choices, their lack of true friends and their loneliness.

People make fun of others so that they could feel good about themselves. Moreover, the easiest way to make fun of other people is to make fun of how they look.

What you can do?

You can make a decision. You either go with the wind or swim against the tide.

Going with the wind means being another mean person. If somebody makes you feel bad about yourself, you will immediately want to feel good about yourself. The easiest way to do that is to put somebody else down. She hates my dark skin; I will hate your long nose. It is a vicious cycle.

Swimming against the tide means:

“This is reality, this is who I am, I am a mother, this can happen, and it happened with me and it is fine. That’s life you know, I have never been the one who endorsed size zero anyways.” – Aishwarya Rai Bachchan.

“Oh! It wasn’t that they simply retouched my image — they completely stretched it so I looked like I was 6 feet tall and a size 2. I’m a size 6 or 8 these days.” – Kate Winslet.

“The assault on our body image, the hypersexualization of girls and women and subsequent degradation of our sexuality as we walk through the decades, and the general incessant objectification is what this conversation allegedly about my face is really about.” – Ashley Judd.

In other words, swimming against the tide means standing up for your bones and your skin, for your hair and your eyes, for the extra flabs under your arms and for the freckles on your face.

Swimming against the tide means sending out a message to all the haters out there -- This is MY body. If you hate something that is not yours, it only means that you are not spending enough time loving what is yours.